Mum vs Mum

Welcome Peabodies, I'm getting a bit deep with y'all today.

So you’ve decided not to return to work and be a "Stay at home Mum".

Congratulations Mama. 

Good for you. 

You've made a decision that works best for you and your family.

So you've decided to go back to work full time and place your kids in care. 

Congratulations Mama. 

Good for you. 

You've made a decision that works best for you and your family.

So you've decided to work part time and do a mix of daycare and home care. 

Congratulations Mama. 

Good for you. 

You've made a decision that works best for you and your family.

Ugh. Who cares? Boring isn't it?

I mean, really? 

Do you really care what other mothers have decided to do? 

Is it really that much of a big deal?

Don't get me wrong - I am interested in other mothers and their stories, their choices and how they came to a decision like that - only for my own knowledge and the potential to steal good ideas and mum hacks. But I don't care enough to judge - or think about it later.

Does anyone?

Probably not.

So if the above information is really boring, and nobody really cares, why is the media pushing for stigmas that just don’t exist? OK they do exist but only because they have told us so, and we have convinced ourselves that everyone else is thinking about it. 

When really we aren’t.

Why isn't this positive message about women making the right choice for their family pushed in the media? Because its boring. 

And boring doesn't generate clicks, or sell papers.

I do get raised eyebrows at times when I say I’m a stay at home mum. 

I do get some judgements and assumptions made about me that are rarely true or accurate 

(no I don’t have loads of money, no I don’t sit in a day spa all day and no my house is not perfectly clean). 

But mostly other mums just don't care, they have their own sleep deprived problems to sort out.

I bet Mums who go back to work get a few looks and raised eyebrows too - “oh your kids are in day care FULLTIME?” 

I bet Dads who work part time get a few comments also - “Do you wear your apron out and about or only at home?”

The truth is people who judge like that - will judge anyway. The clothes you’re wearing, the car you’re driving, where you USED to work, where you work now.

Sure those Mums are out there. Those Dads are out there. Those people are out there. Some people are judgemental and thats life.

But mostly no one cares.

I do care about other mums - as a whole person, and they care about me as a person and we are interested in the welfare of each others kids sure, and we are generally interested in each others lives and all that blah blah blah -

 but theres no judge-fest, bitch sesh, school gate gang situation going on.

Sure, some school gates can be nasty. Some school communities might be this way and if you've experienced this, I feel for you, it’s nasty and juvenile and all round a bit rubbish. 

Come send your kid to my school and we can not care about each other in perfect harmony!

This is me. Not caring.

When will the current affairs, talkback radio shows, online magazines and other media outlets stop pushing this stupid mum vs mum thing?

We all have a little judgment inside us. We are all human. 

For example: Do I think spending $1500 on your pram was a good financial investment? 

Mmmmmm not so much.

Would I have spent that much money on a pram? No.

Could I spend your $1500 more wisely? You bet!

But why should you care what I think?

You shouldn’t. 

It’s your pram. Your money, so as along as you don’t ram the back of my heels with said pram I really couldn't care.

Heartless arent I?

I’ve got my own sleep deprived problems going on. #sorrynotsorry

Judgement occurs whether you’re a parent or not.

Judgement occurs whether you’re a human or not.

Judgement comes in all forms and at some time or another we all judge others and are judged ourselves. 

It’s not an exclusive mum club thing.

At one end I feel like the grown ups are pushing the children of this generation to love, respect and crate equality for all, but at the other end glorifying stigmas (that just don’t have a big enough following to get off the ground.) to sell papers and get click rates up.

But someones should tell them no one cares.

Oh wait…….. I can tell them!

NO ONE CARES. 

So lets just get on with it and not care about each other.

Congratulations Mamas. You’re doing a good job.

Peas out

Jane.

AHA! Parenting pennies dropping like crazy!

Welcome Peabodies.

I read an article to day that gave me a HUGE parental AHA! moment.

Let me start this blog post by giving you a little bit of context..

I often get told, and I mean often, several times a day actually - that my children are really well behaved.

Yes! Thinks me - Then I give myself and the Husbeast a little pat on the back. 

A mental high five.

We have high expectations, of and for, our girls and they meet them the majority of the time. They are good girls.

The very next thought however that comes into my head after the pat on the back is - they are good because I yell at them and nag them all the time. 

I am on their case 

All. the. time.

In fact sometimes it keeps me up at night that I nag them too much.

I have been accused of being a tough mamma. “You're hard on your kids” I've been told by both family and friends

 And I wear that badge with pride. Don't get me wrong, I'm no 'Tiger Mom'. I'm more of a 'Lynx Mum'. Smaller than a tiger but still a wild animal - no domesticated puss here!

But I do know I yell too much. 

And I know I get better results when I don't yell.

So if the girls behave even better when I'm not yelling - why do I yell? 

I don't know why.

I couldn't tell you.

One of my resolutions for 2015 is to yell less at the kids and to slow down and enjoy their childhood more.

Then the other day this blog post  from Hands Free Mama came across my facebook timeline and I took the time to read it.

You too should take the time to read it.

I am my response.

Those words really resonated with me.

You are your response.

I've read many other parenting-esque articles like this with a similar message and always I've thought " yeah yeah I yell at my kids too much ......I know....."

I'm not sure why these particular words stuck a chord, but strummed they did!

I am my response.

I'm thinking of getting that tattooed somewhere……… 

Perhaps I'll just make a poster!

Lately over the last 2 years or so I've been getting grumpy at the the kids and and the Husbeast for no good reason, I won't say no reason because there's always a reason

 (lets face it ladies.....) 

But lately I've been asking myself  'is it worth getting grumpy?'

So what if the bin is full again. I'll just take it out.

So what if it takes an extra 5 minutes to put on the girls shoes?

I'll enjoy that extra 5 minutes with my kids. 

So what?

So what?

So what?

Does it all matter at the end of the day?

Once the end of the day approaches and the girls are in bed I certainly don't think - 'gee whizz I wish Miss L would get in the car quicker'

No.

 Often once the girls are in bed my thoughts are of regret.

Regret that I hurried her because of my own disorganisation.

Regret that I yelled because she stopped to look at ….. the sky, that dog, that toy, that snail.

Regret.

Regret.

All of my own doing. All from my own pressure.

so....

Lighter and Brighter.

I am my response.

Two mantras for me for 2015.

I'll keep you updated though the year with how I am going.

Are you a yeller?

Are you a Tiger Mom?

I’d love to hear your parenting Aha! moments Peabodies! Share them below.

Peas out.

Jane.